"One thing I have always advocated in my adult life is the importance to understand the "Why Factor" in all things. There is a method to all madness and a reasoning behind every decision and action, whether it be deemed right or wrong by the... consensus. That being said, I agree with you that many Black men absolutely look at Black women in a different light than they do other races , but we must go deeper and understand WHY.
Most men look at most women as pieces of meat, tag alongs, opinionless creatures used for sexual stimulation and human reproduction. That's the God honest truth sadly. More specifically, many of my Black brothers look at black women the same way. Most men, no matter their race, look down on women. That practice has been ongoing since the beginning of time. If we look at history, as bad as America has treated Blacks, we recall that Black men had the right to vote before the White woman. When America began, the founding fathers said Blacks were not worthy of being a whole human being according to the Constitution. So basically America said a partial human's voting right is more important than a WOMAN'S. So we see from the outset, the lack of respect for a woman. America chose Barack Obama as its President when CLEARLY, Hillary Rodham Clinton was most qualified for the job. We can also talk about women for many years not being paid the same as their male counterparts in the corporate sector. We can talk about how domestic violence, rape, and sexual harrassment has not been taken seriously as it should. So we see there is a lineage of disrespecting and devaluing ALL women that has been taught to ALL men by the prevalent society.
Now, why do Black men evaluate Black women differently in the context of relationships? Why do Black men date outside of their race? To answer those questions, we have to search for the "WHY" in these complex questions and choices.
I'm sure I don't have to give you a history of slavery and its strategic practices, but briefly, we know that Willie Lynch's view was to beat the man into submission (if not death) in front of everybody else and mentally strip him of all pride and dignity. Therefore rendering him a big strong brute that was afraid to think for himself. If he thought for himself or went against the grain, he would be murdered. So at this juncture, you have alot of fearful men or dead men. Where is the Black woman? If she still has a husband, they are raising a fearful, "yessa massa" type household to stay alive. If her husband is dead, she is left to be independent and strong, raising a family all by herself. She also raises her children, especially her sons, to don't buck the system and do what the White man tells you, which is exactly what Willie Lynch and others strategically wanted to transpire. All the while, slaveowners would rape the helpless Black women many times in front of Black men. The black family, which was a strong staple from the days in the motherland, was now stripped of respect and dignity, things we consider basic human rights.
So lets fast forward to now. Black women are still leading families by themselves. Men have been absent from their homes therefore their sons continue to lead nomadic lives when it comes to the fundamental roles of social responsibility and fatherhood. Black men are still afraid to be strong forces because they will probably be put in jail on some trumped up charge, shot down like a dog, or simply they haven't been taught how to be responsible men because of a lack of good examples or the lack of VISIBILITY of the good examples.
We would be very naive if we didn't acknowledge that the African American experience has been deeply rooted in everyday struggle. A struggle to just be respected as a regular human being. A struggle to raise a family and be a decent human being, all the while staring the remnances of white supremacy in the face everyday. Who has been affected the most by the struggles of the AA experience? THE BLACK WOMAN. Langston Hughes' mother was so accurate when she simply told him "life ain't been no crystal stair". Grandmothers, mothers, aunts, cousin, sisters, and godmothers all have shouldered the burden of head of household over the many years because of the absence of a male and we absolutely salute and appreciate their many sacrifices.
I said all that to say this: BLACK WOMEN ARE TIRED. BLACK WOMEN ARE ANGRY. BLACK WOMEN ARE TIRED OF BEING LEFT WITH ALL THE RESPONSIBILTY TO REAR CHILDREN ALL BY THEMSELVES ON LOW WAGES. THEY NEVER HAVE A DAY OFF. THEIR FEET HURT FROM WALKING TO WORK THEN STANDING ON THEIR FEET ALL DAY AT A JOB THAT POSSIBLY DEMEANS THEM, ALL THE WHILE LIVING IN A MORALLY CONSTIPATED AND SPIRITUALLY MALNOURISHED SOCIETY THAT LOOKS DOWN ON THEM. ITS TOUGH TO BE A BLACK WOMAN IN THIS MODERN DAY AMERICAN EMPIRE. BLACK WOMEN ARE FULL OF A VERY JUSTIFIED RAGE THAT MANY WEAK MINDED,IRRESPONSIBLE, AND MORALLY POOR BLACK MEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH. AND TO ME THE KEY IS LEARNING HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE FEELINGS AND FRUSTRATIONS TO ONE ANOTHER IN A RESPECTFUL, NON-VIOLENT MANNER, WHICH IS AN ENVIRONMENT NOT CULTIVATED IN MANY AFRICAN AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS.
So the myth is Black women fuss all the time or "they are always talking shit" or complaining. I will somewhat agree with that, but I have laid out "WHY" they behave in such a manner. The myth is that White women are the complete opposite of Black women. They are more easy going than Black women. Well I know what isn't a myth. There is no mistaking that White American women haven't seen a fourth of what our women have endured and if black men understood that psyche of their women, I think they would embrace them more, but we continue to run away from our heritage which is made rather easy by child support laws, or lack thereof, that allow men to shun their fatherly responsibilities. Some states will put men in jail for not taking care of their precious children, but that doesn't help the struggling mother, it only aids the prison industrial complex.
So to answer your initial question, many black men are AFRAID of the strong, independent black woman.
Another dynamic in why Black men choose other races is a quest for relational diversity and variety. When you've dated Black women all your life, you want see what else is available for you, especially when those relationships with Black women didn't pan out as planned. Men want to know what it will be like to date a Hispanic, White, Arabic, Asian, Indian, or Native American woman and they have every right to choice, as do women. And remember, MOST men treat MOST women like sexual commodities regardless of race or social, financial, and educational standing. Men are flat out dogs because we are taught to and we are allowed to so we must be careful when we paint the broad stroke of mysoginy on only the Black male. Its all men."
Most men look at most women as pieces of meat, tag alongs, opinionless creatures used for sexual stimulation and human reproduction. That's the God honest truth sadly. More specifically, many of my Black brothers look at black women the same way. Most men, no matter their race, look down on women. That practice has been ongoing since the beginning of time. If we look at history, as bad as America has treated Blacks, we recall that Black men had the right to vote before the White woman. When America began, the founding fathers said Blacks were not worthy of being a whole human being according to the Constitution. So basically America said a partial human's voting right is more important than a WOMAN'S. So we see from the outset, the lack of respect for a woman. America chose Barack Obama as its President when CLEARLY, Hillary Rodham Clinton was most qualified for the job. We can also talk about women for many years not being paid the same as their male counterparts in the corporate sector. We can talk about how domestic violence, rape, and sexual harrassment has not been taken seriously as it should. So we see there is a lineage of disrespecting and devaluing ALL women that has been taught to ALL men by the prevalent society.
Now, why do Black men evaluate Black women differently in the context of relationships? Why do Black men date outside of their race? To answer those questions, we have to search for the "WHY" in these complex questions and choices.
I'm sure I don't have to give you a history of slavery and its strategic practices, but briefly, we know that Willie Lynch's view was to beat the man into submission (if not death) in front of everybody else and mentally strip him of all pride and dignity. Therefore rendering him a big strong brute that was afraid to think for himself. If he thought for himself or went against the grain, he would be murdered. So at this juncture, you have alot of fearful men or dead men. Where is the Black woman? If she still has a husband, they are raising a fearful, "yessa massa" type household to stay alive. If her husband is dead, she is left to be independent and strong, raising a family all by herself. She also raises her children, especially her sons, to don't buck the system and do what the White man tells you, which is exactly what Willie Lynch and others strategically wanted to transpire. All the while, slaveowners would rape the helpless Black women many times in front of Black men. The black family, which was a strong staple from the days in the motherland, was now stripped of respect and dignity, things we consider basic human rights.
So lets fast forward to now. Black women are still leading families by themselves. Men have been absent from their homes therefore their sons continue to lead nomadic lives when it comes to the fundamental roles of social responsibility and fatherhood. Black men are still afraid to be strong forces because they will probably be put in jail on some trumped up charge, shot down like a dog, or simply they haven't been taught how to be responsible men because of a lack of good examples or the lack of VISIBILITY of the good examples.
We would be very naive if we didn't acknowledge that the African American experience has been deeply rooted in everyday struggle. A struggle to just be respected as a regular human being. A struggle to raise a family and be a decent human being, all the while staring the remnances of white supremacy in the face everyday. Who has been affected the most by the struggles of the AA experience? THE BLACK WOMAN. Langston Hughes' mother was so accurate when she simply told him "life ain't been no crystal stair". Grandmothers, mothers, aunts, cousin, sisters, and godmothers all have shouldered the burden of head of household over the many years because of the absence of a male and we absolutely salute and appreciate their many sacrifices.
I said all that to say this: BLACK WOMEN ARE TIRED. BLACK WOMEN ARE ANGRY. BLACK WOMEN ARE TIRED OF BEING LEFT WITH ALL THE RESPONSIBILTY TO REAR CHILDREN ALL BY THEMSELVES ON LOW WAGES. THEY NEVER HAVE A DAY OFF. THEIR FEET HURT FROM WALKING TO WORK THEN STANDING ON THEIR FEET ALL DAY AT A JOB THAT POSSIBLY DEMEANS THEM, ALL THE WHILE LIVING IN A MORALLY CONSTIPATED AND SPIRITUALLY MALNOURISHED SOCIETY THAT LOOKS DOWN ON THEM. ITS TOUGH TO BE A BLACK WOMAN IN THIS MODERN DAY AMERICAN EMPIRE. BLACK WOMEN ARE FULL OF A VERY JUSTIFIED RAGE THAT MANY WEAK MINDED,IRRESPONSIBLE, AND MORALLY POOR BLACK MEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH. AND TO ME THE KEY IS LEARNING HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE FEELINGS AND FRUSTRATIONS TO ONE ANOTHER IN A RESPECTFUL, NON-VIOLENT MANNER, WHICH IS AN ENVIRONMENT NOT CULTIVATED IN MANY AFRICAN AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS.
So the myth is Black women fuss all the time or "they are always talking shit" or complaining. I will somewhat agree with that, but I have laid out "WHY" they behave in such a manner. The myth is that White women are the complete opposite of Black women. They are more easy going than Black women. Well I know what isn't a myth. There is no mistaking that White American women haven't seen a fourth of what our women have endured and if black men understood that psyche of their women, I think they would embrace them more, but we continue to run away from our heritage which is made rather easy by child support laws, or lack thereof, that allow men to shun their fatherly responsibilities. Some states will put men in jail for not taking care of their precious children, but that doesn't help the struggling mother, it only aids the prison industrial complex.
So to answer your initial question, many black men are AFRAID of the strong, independent black woman.
Another dynamic in why Black men choose other races is a quest for relational diversity and variety. When you've dated Black women all your life, you want see what else is available for you, especially when those relationships with Black women didn't pan out as planned. Men want to know what it will be like to date a Hispanic, White, Arabic, Asian, Indian, or Native American woman and they have every right to choice, as do women. And remember, MOST men treat MOST women like sexual commodities regardless of race or social, financial, and educational standing. Men are flat out dogs because we are taught to and we are allowed to so we must be careful when we paint the broad stroke of mysoginy on only the Black male. Its all men."
